爱情之中的背叛

开心树

摘要: 促使他做任何事的动机，只是他想满足他自己的需要，和妳并无任何关系…我们必须不把别人所做的事情当做是对我们的攻击，而只是他对自己认定的想法的一种反应   答复：Tom / Amy 初译，若水修订  问：我自修了奇迹课程四年多了,可是有时候我却好恨它，它说的我不明白，很多我也做不到. 人生重复的难题不停的出现,我是一次又一次的让自己打败.最近我又碰到感情上的难题. 我发现我深爱的男友和别人有性关系,在我们的窝,在我上班时,很讶异的是,我们的感情很好,..不过或许是我个人的认为而已.我不知道,别叫我在这个时候看奇迹,我看不到.J兄说要宽恕,爱是从你自己身上找到的,我做不到.我讨厌自己,讨厌人生.我不知道为甚么我体会不到那全然喜悦的境界,为甚么要走回去上主身边是这么困难的.请您告诉我我的盲点好吗？   亲爱的 Z   当我们开始学习奇迹课程的时候，我们发现它教的原则并不是很容易了解，因为这些原则跟我们平时应付日常生活的原则不太一样。奇迹课程原则之一是，在这世界上，任何事件或事物都是没有意义的，除非我们赋予它一个意义。这与我们所了解的好像出入很大，因为我们认为同样事件的发生，对每个人都有同样的意义。   譬如，妳的男友在和妳有感情关系的同时，却跟第三者发生关系，他故意这样做来伤害你。但是事实上，促使他做任何事的动机，只是他想满足他自己的需要，和妳并无任何关系。而且，这并不表示你因此就不能够和他有灵性上的联结。或者，妳就不应该再爱他。   妳的愤怒是由于你认为他背叛妳的理由是因为他找到一个比妳更好的对象。为什么妳这么认为？因为从小我们已经学会，总是有人比我们强，而且我们自己的快乐并没有那么重要。奇迹课程教导我们，在上主眼中，没有任何人比我们自己更重要。也没有任何人的幸福比我们的幸福更重要。除非我们真的能够听进这些教诲，否则我们自以为是的误解还会继续下去。   我们的想法决定这个世界对我们的意义。对一个并不认为自己值得被爱的人，爱颇能满足一个人深沈的渴望，以及他求而不得的那种感受。J兄提醒我们，这种感情并不是爱。爱是上主对我们无条件地接受，也是我们应学会给别人的东西。若要学会这种爱，我们必须不把别人所做的事情当做是对我们的攻击，而只是他对自己认定的想法的一种反应。这就是宽恕的教诲：总是能把别人眼中的攻击看成一种爱的呼求。   我们的人际关系就像和对方的共舞，双方都用自己的理解来解释对方的的动机与行为。尽管我们认为我们是分离的个体，在心灵的层次，我们事实上是一体。 只因我们是同一个存在体的各个部分，我们就会互相反应。除非有一个人决定当加害者，否则就不会有受害者。除非有人附和你的悲哀，否则你就难以悲哀下去。当你自身觉得你是一个美好的人时，其它的人不能不与你产生同样的共鸣。你目前感觉不到爱，不是因为你的男友的行为，而是你否定了自己值得被爱。     若要认出自己是可爱而且被爱的，你必须允许圣灵把上面的讯息也教给那些自认为自己不可能被爱的人，学员练习手册正是每天一课地传授这一讯息。你不能光读它而已，必须每天照本宣科地在日常生活中具体操练。它必会改变你对自身的看法。   你是神的完美创造，内心的平安和快乐是天赋予你的权利。这些练习课程的目的就是要帮助妳做选择，在心里找到真正的平安与快乐，世间的一切都存在你的心里。   今天就重新开使你追求幸福的旅程吧！怀着极大的喜悦，确信圣灵会为你指点迷津的。     （感谢Amy 初译，若水修订）   When first beginning the principles of A course In Miracles are very difficult to understand because they are so different from those we use to try to cope with the world as we see it.  One of the first things the Course teaches us is that nothing in the world has any meaning until we give it one.  This is very different because it seems that everything that happens in the world has the same meaning for everyone.   For example, you think that your friend having another relationship while he is having one with you is something he is doing to you.  The truth is that what motivates him to do anything really has nothing to do with you, but only is his way of dealing with what he thinks of as his own needs.  It also does not mean that you cannot have a spiritual connection or feel a deep love for him while he is in relationship with someone else.  You are upset because you think he is turning away from you because he has found someone else who is better than you.  You feel this way because in your life you have been taught that others are better than you and your happiness is not important.  Another thing the Course teaches is that there is NO ONE who is more important than you or whose happiness is more important to God.  Until we are able to really hear these words however we will continue to misunderstand why we think the way we do.    The meaning of our thoughts determines what the world means to us.  Love to someone who does not feel that they are worthy of being loved satisfies a deep longing, a need of something they have felt they cannot have.  Jesus teaches us that this feeling is not what love really is.  Love is the unconditional acceptance God has given us and what are trying to learn to freely give to others.  We can only learn to do this when we realize that what others do is not an attack on us, but only a reaction to something they think is true.  This is what forgiveness teaches: to always see a call for love in place of what we have seen as an attack.   Our relationships with others in the world is always a "dance"we do with them; each one of us applying our own interpretation to why they treat us as they do.  Regardless of how separate we seem to be we are all joined  as a unified oneness in one mind.  We are all responsive to each other because we are all part of a single being.  No one could choose to be a victim unless someone else chose to be a victimizer.  No one could choose to be sad unless there was someone else willing to join them in their sadness.  And when you learn that you are a really beautiful person there will be no one who will not share that opinion of you.  You do not feel love now because you have denied that you are a perfectly lovable being, not because of something your friend has  done.    Learning that you are loved and lovable happens as you allow the Holy Spirit to teach this message to others who also now think they are unlovable.  The lessons portion of the Course (the Workbook) teach this on a daily basis.  They will change the way you see yourself, but you must DO as they suggest each day, not simply read them.  You are a perfect creation of God, entitled to peace and happiness.  The purpose of these lessons is help you make the choice to find this within your mind, which is where all things are. Re-start your journey to happiness today, expecting with great joy that the Holy Spirit will show the way.   
转自：
奇迹课程中文部－Ask Tom专栏 2006/9/28