KW_為何越修火氣越大，越絕望？

建文

         问：

我已读过《奇迹课程》〈正文〉，准备马上开始做练习了。始料未及的是，我比以前更无力，更担忧健康了。灵修几年来，我已懂得身体只是幻相，我们可以控制自己的念头。可感觉上却不是那麽回事，我觉得自己永远别想获得平安，有时甚至气急败坏，为什麽会这样？我急需帮助。

肯恩答：

明知道想法决定了经历，却时常陷於愤怒沮丧不能自拔，这是很多灵修人士都曾有过的感觉。更令人气结的是，理智上理解我们无需受苦，反而让我们更敏锐地感到痛苦。

另外一个原因可能是，你准备开始做练习的想法，强烈威胁到了你的小我。正如《课程》所说，「只要你的意向与它对你的看法不符，小我便认为你居心叵测而攻击你。这时，它的猜忌狐疑会顿时转为心狠手辣，因为它反复无常的本性会变本加厉」(T.9.VII.4:6,7)。这些不过是灵性成长过程中的正常反应，有此了解，也许会让你稍感宽慰。这并不代表你很软弱，也不代表你的失败。

如果你感到急需帮助，就去寻找对自己最有效的帮助吧，无需拘泥於特定形式。例如，如果药物治疗或心理援助能够减轻你的沮丧和对健康的担忧，就不要犹豫。确实，真正的疗愈只能来自奇迹，或者心灵层面的知见转变，唯有如此，我们才能获得持久的内在平安。但是只要我们还有任何的内疚，视自己是分裂的丶以身体形式存在的个体，我们就不必否认身体或心理上的舒适需求。耶稣虽将「试图在问题不在之处（即这个世界中）解决问题」称之为「怪力乱神」，但他从未说过不要这样做。事实上，他告诉我们，否认世界或身体的存在是「最不值得的否认能力」(T.2.IV.3:11) . (也见, T.2.IV.4,5)。

身体免不了情绪的起起伏伏，各种担忧和痛苦。说到底，我们梦出这个纷扰不断的世界，正是企图从心中抹去上主的爱，因此根本不要期待问题会轻易平息。为了仍有这些问题感到内疚或受挫，对我们既无助益，也不仁慈。其实，真正有帮助的是，了解圣灵正好可以利用痛苦来教导我们「我不是眼前世界的受害者」(W.57.1.31)。学习本课程，我们需要请圣灵牵着我们的手，和我们一起不带评判地观看痛苦。祂会教我们看出，这一烦恼仅仅表示，我们理智上虽已了解身体和世界的虚幻本质，内心的恐惧却仍欲遮蔽这一认知。恐惧呼求的是爱和理解，而非惩罚。

这就说明了即使感觉好像没什麽进展，灵性道路还是值得走下去。意识到圣灵不带评判的爱就在我们心内，与恐惧比邻而居，我们便会恍然大悟，自己无论如何神智不清，丝毫影响不了上主的爱。如此不断操练，我们的恐惧和痛苦便会逐步减少，它们看似控制着我们的力量也开始减弱，可能很长一段时间内还不会消失，但是慢慢地不再是一个大问题了。最後，每当我们感到痛苦只需看着它说：「又开始了，还有什麽新的把戏？」

到了这一步，我们一旦发现自己又想入非非，以为痛苦是自己的悲惨下场，而非一个笨拙的丶暂时的路障时，就会记起耶稣慈爱的忠告：「小我老想打败别人，因为它自认为有战胜你的可能。上主的想法则恰恰相反(T.23.I.2:6,7)」。

选自／ 奇迹课程基金会问答服务
翻译／麦子
校译／红云 Robert 妍蓁 Clare


Sometimes I feel so angry and depressed, I wonder why I bother.

Q #1256: I have read the text of A Course in Miracles and will be starting the lessons soon. I am feeling an increase in depression and health concerns. Having been a spiritual student for several years, I know that the body is just an illusion and that we are in control of our thoughts. But I feel I will never achieve peace. Sometimes I feel so angry and depressed that I wonder, why bother? I feel very desperate for help!

A: The state you describe -- knowing that ultimately our own thoughts determine our experience but still at times finding ourselves mired in depression and anger -- is undoubtedly very familiar to many spiritual students. Ironically, the knowledge that we do not have to be miserable often heightens our awareness of just how miserable we are. In addition, it is likely that the idea of beginning the workbook is extremely threatening to your ego. As the Course says , "The ego will attack your motives as soon as they become clearly out of accord with its perception of you. This is when it will shift abruptly from suspiciousness to viciousness, since its uncertainty is increased" (T.9.VII.4:6,7) . So perhaps you can take some comfort in the fact that yours is a common reaction to trying to achieve spiritual growth. It is not a symptom of weakness or a sign of failure on your part.

If you are feeling desperate for help, seek that help in whatever form you think would be most effective for you right now. For example, do not hesitate to get medical or psychological assistance if that could alleviate your health concerns and depression. It is true that real healing comes exclusively from the miracle, or change of perception that occurs in the mind, and that it is the only thing that can lead us to lasting inner peace. But as long as we retain any guilt or identification with ourselves as the separated, physical beings we seem to be, we do not want to deny ourselves physical or psychological comfort. While Jesus does label attempts to solve problems where they are not -- i.e. in the world -- as magic , nowhere does he say not to do this. In fact, he tells us that to deny the existence of the world or the body is "a particularly unworthy form of denial" (T.2.IV.3:11) . (See also, T.2.IV.4,5)

Emotional ups and downs, and endless concerns and pains, are inevitable for bodies. Indeed, we dreamed up this world precisely to be in a constant struggle that obliterates God's Love from our mind. So we cannot expect our issues to subside easily. Feeling guilty or frustrated that we still have them is not a helpful or kind thing to do to ourselves. What is helpful is to realize that our pains are the very curriculum that the Holy Spirit can use to teach us that we are not the victim of the world we see (W.57.1.31) . For that to happen, we need to ask Him to hold our hand and look at our pain with us, without judgment. He will teach us that our troubles merely indicate that our intellectual understanding of the illusory nature of the world and the body are still overshadowed by our fear. And fear calls for love and understanding, not punishment.

This, then, is the answer to why it is worth continuing on the spiritual path, even when it feels as though we are not getting anywhere. By realizing that the Holy Spirit's non-judgmental Love is in our mind -- right alongside our fear -- we discover that our insanity has no effect on God's Love. In this way, our fear and pain gradually lessen and begin to lose the power they seemed to have over us. They may not disappear for quite some time, but they slowly cease to be a big deal. Eventually, every time we feel pain we can simply look at it and say, "There it goes again. So what else is new?"

Until we reach that point, when we catch ourselves thinking that our pain is a miserable ending point rather than a silly, temporary roadblock, we can remember Jesus' loving advice: "The ego always marches to defeat, because it thinks that triumph over you is possible. And God thinks otherwise" (T.23.I.2:6,7) .
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