Q #697性欲与内疚

开心树

摘要: 这个世界将「利用别人」分成两种：一种是社会可以接受的形式，另一种是社会不可接受的形式。     选自：
http://www.facimoutreach.org/
  施宏扬 林慧如 合译 若水修订  问：我过去读过你们有关性欲和对特殊关系的答复。虽然我了解奇迹课程的形上理论，但我有时发觉，性冲动如排山倒海一般涌来，因此在这难以抗拒的一刻，我可能会受到引诱而去找应召女郎，即便我已结婚并有小孩了。我试着想把它当做没啥大不了的事，因而我一而再，再而三的重复犯相同的错误。我清楚知道对错，在这黑暗的一刻，我会请求圣灵帮助，但我猜我仍选择了不听祂的，而执意做我想做的。我要如何戒除这种令我沉醉其中的行为呢？如何处理荷尔蒙的冲动及隐藏的内疚呢？我用尊重与敬意的态度对待那些女人，矛盾的是，她们同时又被我用来当作取悦我的「物品」。我如何将奇迹课程运用在这种具体的问题上呢？  答：这个世界将「利用别人」分成两种：一种是社会可以接受的形式，另一种是社会不可接受的形式，并且将后者归类为错误的、有罪的，甚至是违法的。而且它让我们认为只有某些利用别人的方式是有罪的，其它的则不算。  奇迹课程的目的是要帮助我们，所有基于小我的决定，以别人为代价而满足我们的需求都将使我们陷入痛苦并且强化了我们的内疚。如果我们真能了解那自私自利的分裂思想与它所导致的痛苦，我们便能很快学会抵制小我的选择。可是，我们仍然相信某些小我的选择带给我们的快乐会多于痛苦。  小我总是希望我们用道德规范来评判我们的行为举止是对或不对，好或不好，然而错误和不好的行为，常引发内疚随之而来。耶稣一直鼓励我们：别老想着我们的想法和决定是有益或是有害，是明智或是愚昧，而陷在不必要的痛苦里。而是知道，内疚已是我们做了愚昧或有害选择下的结果了。（请参看问题637，更深一层的探讨奇迹课程是将焦点放在思想而非行为上）  与其去想你在上述情况下的对与错，而你又不断选择做这些事，还不如认清你这样思索，只是在做更愚昧、更有害的决定而已，这样可能对你更有帮助。这不仅是针对你的的召妓行为，而是不论何时你认定你的需求比别人更重要时，不管他们是你的家人或是其它人。  不可讳言的，以这个世界的观点来看，有些行为很可能比其它行为带来的负面影响较大，如此正好落入小我执迷不悟的圈套中：幻觉是有大小轻重之别的。（请另外参阅 T.23.II.2:3; T.26.VII.6:5）  其实，所有的内疚都是同一回事，没有程度之别，它们并非来自于我们身体的作为，它来自我们内在的心念。  所以，在婚姻之外寻找性欲的满足，不是你心中内疚之因，而是内疚之果了。它的目的是要让你不敢面对自己，转移你的焦点，让你认不出自己真正的问题，也就是说，决定把自己当作一个与爱分裂的个体。  就是这个决定导致我们相信我们必须去身外寻找满足。在这偷来的片刻欢愉中，小我用更大的快感来诱惑我们，只因那片刻是偷来的。整个小我的思想体系就是建立在这个愚昧的基础上，小我宣称我们从上主那儿偷取的片断之爱会比祂无条件地给我们完整的爱来得好。(T.1.V.3:3).  你提及试着不把你不忠的行为当一回事，但问题是，你心里早把它当成大问题了。我们现在的目标并非要你不把它们当一回事，然后持续那些有害的行为；而是要让你认出那个问题并非真正的问题。不要死盯着外在行为继续内疚下去，那样做只会保证你不去面对意识下面的真正问题，并给自己用不同眼光来看待。  没错，若以小我而言，我们都是自私的，只关心于满足自己的需求，不惜牺牲他人，但这仅是小我思想体系的本质。耶稣希望我们了解，虽然小我彻头彻尾是自私的，但并不是罪，也非邪恶。对我们和别人的生命而言，它也许是愚昧、有害、不仁慈的，但它不是罪。当我们认定它是罪而非错误而已，是这个信念让我们不断地自我毁灭。  倘若我们的决定中没掺杂罪恶感，而是体贴地、不批判地检视我们的选择，视它只是个错误而非罪，我们便会发现，要在心中选择并聆听不同的「内在导师」就变得比较容易些了。(请参阅.19.III.1,2,3)接着，最有益和仁慈的行为便会自然地跟着出现了。  你可以参考第598问有关强迫性性行为的讨论和第417问有关性的贞洁会有些帮助。  Q #697: I read your answers about the sex drive and special relationships. Although I understand the metaphysics of A Course in Miracles, I sometimes find the sex impulse is overwhelming and therefore I might in those vulnerable moments go to the extent of soliciting call girls despite my being married with kids. I try not to make things a big deal and that's how I have repeatedly committed the same mistake over again. I know what is right from wrong and in those dark moments I ask the Holy Spirit for help but I guess that I choose not to listen and do what I will. How do I wean myself out of this when I enjoy what I do -- the rush of adrenaline and the secret guilt The girls I treat with respect and dignity -- an oxymoron -- while they are being used as objects of pleasure in the last analysis. How do I apply the Course to this practical problem?  Answer: The world makes distinctions between socially acceptable and socially unacceptable forms of using others, classifying the latter as wrong, sinful or even criminal. And it allows us to think that guilt is only associated with some forms of using others, but not other forms.   The Course's purpose is to help us see that all ego-based decisions to meet our needs at the expense of others cause us pain and reinforce our guilt. If we could really get the connection between the thought of separation implicit in self-interest and the pain that follows, we would soon learn to choose against the ego. But we still believe that some of our ego choices bring us more pleasure than pain.  The ego wants us to think of our actions and behavior in such moralistic terms as right or wrong, good or bad, with guilt always accompanying our wrong, bad actions. Jesus is encouraging us instead to think of our thoughts and decisions as either helpful or hurtful, wise or foolish, with unnecessary pain rather than guilt as the consequence of foolish, hurtful choices (see Question #637 for an in-depth discussion of the Course's focus on thought rather than behavior).  So rather than thinking that you know what is right and what is wrong in the situation you describe, and that you keep doing the wrong thing, it would be more helpful to consider that you are simply making the more foolish, hurtful decision. But not just when you choose to solicit call girls, but whenever you decide to put your own needs above others, whether it be your family or anyone else.   Now of course some actions run the risk of having greater negative consequences in the world's terms than others, which nicely plays into the ego's insistence that there is a hierarchy among illusions (T.23.II.2:3; T.26.VII.6:5).   But all guilt is the same and it does not come from what we do with our bodies but only from what we think with our minds.   So seeking sexual satisfaction outside your marriage is not the cause of the guilt in your mind but an effect.And its purpose, which you keep hidden from yourself, is to distract you from recognizing where the real problem lies -- the choice to see yourself as separate from love.  Yet this is the decision that leads all of us to believe that we need to seek for satisfaction outside ourselves, in stolen moments of pleasure which the ego seduces us into seeing as more pleasurable simply because they are stolen. And that foolish reasoning lies at the foundation of the ego's thought system, predicated as it is on the belief that the scraps of "love" we could steal from God are better that the complete and total Love He offers us freely (T.1.V.3:3).
You mention trying not to make your infidelities into a big deal, but the problem is, in your own mind, they already are. And the goal is not to be able to continue to engage in hurtful activities without making a big deal of them, but rather to come to a recognition that they are not really the problem and that to continue to feel guilty about the external actions guarantees that you'll never address the underlying, inner problem and see it differently.   It is true that, as egos, we are all selfish and concerned about meeting our own needs at everyone else's expense. This is simply the nature of the ego thought system. But despite the selfishness that is at its roots, what Jesus is asking us to recognize is that it's not a sin, it's not evil. It may be foolish and hurtful and unkind, both to ourselves and to others in our life. But it is not a sin. It is our belief that it is sin rather than merely a mistake that keeps us caught in the repetition of any self-destructive pattern.
Without the guilt we impose on our decisions, but rather with a thoughtful, nonjudgmental examination of what we've been choosing, seeing it only as error and not as sin, we will find it easier to make the choice for a different Teacher within our mind (T.19.III.1,2,3). And the most helpful and kind behavior will naturally follow.
You may find the discussion of compulsive sexual behavior in Question #598 and sexual fidelity in Question #417 of help as well.  转自：奇迹课程中文部 Ken Wapnick 2006/4/7